I'm lost in this world.
It has swallowed me whole.
I'm lost in this world.
It has swallowed me whole.

I didn't sleep last night.
First stage of insomnia.
I tossed and turned,
As did my mind.
What did I find?
Nothing.
I am an empty carcas.
I wake up
     get ready
          go to school
               do homeowrk
                    go to work
                         go home
                              do more homework
                                   go to sleep
Repeat.

I feel like everyone is dying.
A plague of death.
Too many funerals,
Too many black dresses to pick from in the store,
Too many people borrowing my tissues,
Too much for me to deal with.

All I wanted was someone to call "Baby".
Too koo at and share my sweets.
And I finally found someone!
Such a handsome boy.
He doesn't mind when I call him names like:
Pookie-Bear
Honey-Bun
Cutie-Pie
He smiles every time I say one of those.
And he loves to play with me!
We go to the park and swing on the swings.
Play a cute little game of hide-and-go-seek.
And then we go home.
I make him supper.
We dine.
And then I put him to bed, kiss his forehead, and wait downstairs for his parents to return.
They come back and give me $25 on my way out.
"Baby" sitting.

And so it began. Button by button my blouse was unbuttoned. My shirt taken off without any discussion. Just one more button on the top of my jeans, the zipper goes down, was this even foreseen? The pants are pulled off and my bare legs exposed. You know what comes next, yes the rest of my clothes. I lay there naked and my body is examined, but not in the way that you think because what is assumed never happened. With a flick of a pen my cause of death is recorded, they put my file in the cabinet alphabetically sorted. White sheet overhead, name tag on my toe, as I wait to be lowered six feet below.

How can you even tell.
You can't see me.
You don't know me.
But you think you can read me?
Listen, I'm good at THIS.
I fear God, but I figured out how to work around it.
I twist my words. I shape my words.
I add my little sinister smile and make every word worth while.
Oh it's the truth in my soul. But the world...well you know what earthly things do.
They twist everything all over again.
You see I'm good at this.
You may be all close to me.
You know, with those fancy wires taped to me, tracking my heart beat.
Are you expecting it to stop?
To race at the thought of getting caught?
No, no, no.
Like I said...I'm good at this...

I just need to detox.
You know, get it out of my system.
I said I'd go to rehab willingly but the cops didn't listen.
I was just another drug addict with a bad habit.
One that conveniently rotted my teeth and gave me bad acne.
But they got products to fix whats rotted.
I'm happy this way.
I've always been the independent girl.
Now I'm dependent on something of the world.
I better watch myself before I relapse.
Relapse.
I just need to detox...

I love my barrio

This is my home. The dirty streets and uneven concrete invite me in.
The Tex-Mex food and language tickle my senses until I'm senseless.
The people hug me and kiss me on the cheek. My knees go weak.
I've been romanced.

I am

I'm the puppy on the side of the road, abandoned and forgotten.
I'm the piece of fruit on the back of the shelf untouched and rotten.
I'm the insignificant other yet your trusty sidekick, Robin.
I'm the neighborhood no one feels safe in, Compton.
I'm the kid you pick on in the playground.
I'm the weak prey that you surround.
I'm the item that remains lost and never found.
I'm the soul that's darkness bound.