Is it so bad that I want to jump off of a tall building?
Not as a suicide attempt.
I just want to have a moment of no control.
A moment of feeling weightless.
Just falling with a big smile on my face.
Having fun before it all ends.
My hair all about me, my clothes flapping, me screaming like I'm on a roller coaster.
I'm not concerned about meeting the ground.
It's all about the NOW.
And that's how I'm going to live my life.
In the NOW.
I'm going to live my life like I just jumped off a building.
No control. Just taking every moment to smile and scream out in joy!
I won't be concerned about death.
Just about falling and enjoying it.

Maybe I'm not meant for these duties.

I wake up the house and make a pot of coffee.
I get everyone ready before me.
I cook some breakfast and make the kids eat it real fast.
We're late for school it's already 10 past.
I take them to school and drop them off.
Still more to do; no time to stop.
I get the laundry going and give the dog a bath.
I take a 5 minute break to sit down and relax.
I go buy groceries and make a quick lunch for the hubby.
Get pulled over by a cop because I was driving in a hurry.
Get to his office and leave his lunch with the secretary.
She snatched it out of my hand now that wasn't necessary.
I drive back home and clean some more.
Go to the kid's soccer game to watch my babies score.
I take them home, prepare the meal and get the kids fed.
I wipe the sweat off my forehead and turn down their beds.
Get them into bed so I can get into bed.
The husband comes home and he's ready to be fed.
Get out of bed, get him fed, get back into bed.
I'm almost asleep when he tells me he wants desert.
I'm too tired to move so I let him do all the work.
Then I can FINALLY go to sleep.
Only to wake up the next morning and repeat...

I clean and clean but dust gathers where I just wiped.
This is me trying to be the perfect wife.

I feel pain everywhere.
It's like my body is in mourning.
all I can do is hope that it's gone by morning.

It hurts me.
The things you say to her, you used to say to me.
And it hurts.
Those words were so special to me once.
And now they're special to her.
I don't like sharing something like that.
It's just not sanitary.

My pastor points his finger and lets it linger.
SINNER SINNER SINNER!
I laugh to myself.
"I know you are but what am I?"
SINNER SINNER SINNER!
Well that makes two of us.